Back to it.....

So, back to the matter at hand. I think I said that up next was going to be the spouses turn, and so it will be. Feel free to chime in whenever ya'll would like. In the Army we have a saying, The NCO is the Backbone of the Army, and that is the truth. Without the NCO's running things and dealing with the troops on a day to day basis, nothing would get done. Well ladies and gentlemen, the spouses are the backbone of the family. Without you guys, nothing would get done. Could I pay the bills, sure. Could I cook and take care of the kids, sure. Could I keep the house clean, sure. Notice a few things that I didn't say. I didn't say the bills would be paid on time and I didn't say the money would be managed properly. I didn't say the kids would have a wholesome meal all the time, and I didn't say the house would be kept up to standard. Thanks to my wife, I could most likely survive without her since she has things so organized that even I couldn't mess them up.....for a month. But when the next month rolled around and the bills came in again, I'd have no clue of how we do things. Which bills we have to pay when, which bills we can pay later to take use of their grace periods, since our budget is SO not flexible. Which bills won't be shut off for a specific amount of days, giving me time to get the next check. Your jobs are never ending, and usually thankless. I know I don't tell my wife thank you. I only think about what would happen if, when I had too, and even then, I really have no real concept of what it would be like. You check on our appointments, tell the kids that daddy is a bit tired today so he needs to rest when what you really want to say is that daddy is being an ass to mommy and she would love to throw him out the window, which is why he couldn't make it to your school function or some such activity. It's amazing what you go through. You are often the silent PTSD victims. The ones that the system lets fall through the cracks. I can get assistance and mental health appointments, but who assists you and gives you an outlet to vent? And you surely can't vent to us, especially when it is about us. How many of you feel trapped in this life, because you care too much to get out, even though you're stressed too much to stay? I would love to tell you that this blog is going to end nicely, but it isn't. Yes, there are a few programs out there for you, and a few facebook groups that let you vent, but there is no escape for you until it gets so bad that some of you literally have to take your kids and run for your lives. There are so many issues that our spouses do for us that are behind the scenes and I just hate that I can't give voice to them all here, but for those of us that care enough, I apologize for your caring treatment of us. I'm so glad my wife loves me. You guys should too. See, my wife  fixes all my meds for me, and I have no idea which ones I'm taking at which time.....need I say more? No, seriously, thank you, all you spouses, who struggle quietly, so we can struggle out loud. Thank you for defending us when no one else will. Thank you for caring enough to stay. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

PTSD

For those of you who aren’t familiar with PTSD, it is a life changing illness brought about by traumatic experiences. As of late, PTSD has been attributed to soldiers, but a soldier is not the only group of people who can endure a traumatic experience. It can be caused by a bad childhood, a car accident, a dog attack, anything that traumatizes the victim to the extent that their everyday life is altered from the way that it used to be. But there is one group that we often forget about that also needs to be championed in the fight against PTSD, and that is the families of the PTSD victims. These are the silent victims, the ones that have to endure with us, and that more often than not, end up with PTSD of their own. Take in consideration the spouse of a soldier with PTSD. That spouse also undergoes an upheaval of their life. They are forced to live with someone who they no longer know or understand. However their lives were before the traumatic experience is over. What they now are forced to life is something completely different. Something that they have no clue how to handle. Something that comes on instantaneously. Oftentimes, the families end up being abused by those who have PTSD, which in turn continues the cycle. Think of the child who grows up living with PTSD daily, and is traumatized by it. That child now has a high risk for doing the same thing when they themselves have a family. But as bad as this may sound, and it is bad, believe me, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I’m not going to get into the different programs that are out there for PTSD victims, what I would like to talk about are the victims of PTSD.  Sometimes waking up and getting on with our lives is a hard thing to do. Knowing that we aren’t like everyone else. Knowing that we have to keep control of ourselves, our actions, or we suffer the consequences. What consequences are these you might ask? How many of you have lost friends because they didn’t understand you, or because you no longer fit the mold that you used to? Honestly, can you blame them for shying away from you? They didn’t sign up for that. They never asked to be the friend of a PTSD victim, so why should they stay around you. Besides, you may be a danger to them or to their kids. Sound familiar? AIDS can be transmitted by holding hands. That’s what they used to think in the beginning too, until they did research and learned more about it. We never asked to have PTSD either. We never asked to get in the car accident, to be raped, to be assaulted, to endure hardships on the warfront. But we did. Now is where I’m going to lose a few of you, and that’s okay. You’ll come back once you’ve digested what I have to tell you. For some of us, their behavior IS your fault. Why? Because you hide what you are. You refuse help. You say I’m not that bad. You give a million excuses for the millions of issues that you have, and then wonder why the world is against you. If you want to tell your story, you have to open your mouth. If you want help, you have to open your mouth. This is difficult to most, because that opens the wound again, and sometimes, reliving it is just as painful as the first time. But think about what you are doing by NOT opening up. You are bottling it up, letting it fester. The pain and infection has nowhere to go but in, and it will eat you alive. Think about your daughters and sons. What would you say to them? You would say I know it hurts but it’s for the best. And it is for the best. Once you start opening up, it will get easier, but you have to take that first step. If you keep silent, you are not just the victim, you are also the perpetrator. You are victimizing yourself and those around you. You owe it to yourself to heal, to get better. Will you ever be the same as you used to be by opening up, not likely, but you sure won’t be the same by NOT opening up, so what do you have to lose? For those of you who are the loved ones of PTSD victims, you have a job that almost impossible. You have to be the strong one, the rock. Yes, sometimes the punching bag. No, not physically, but mentally. It takes a loving person to cope with the stresses of someone else’s PTSD, and I do not fault you at all if you can’t do it. It is a tough, often thankless, job. When others are running away, you are running towards. But that is what you do, on a daily basis, you run towards, and honestly, I cannot tell you why. That is an unexplainable phenomenon. Why do you do it? Is it love, a sense of duty, morals? Who knows, and sometimes even you don’t know either, but you do. You are the true heroes in this story. You are the ones who hold it together and without you, well, some of us wouldn’t be here today. So remember, who things seem bleak, like there is no hope, like no one out there understands you and what you are going through, remember that you are not alone. You have your own family. People out there that are just like you, that DO understand what you are going through. Sometimes just knowing that we are not alone is enough to keep us going that one more step. Sometimes that one more step is all we need. This is just an introduction, and in the days to come we will continue to talk about PTSD and what is means to use, as well as what ways we can combat it.

Next-----Combat PTSD